Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
