walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
