I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
