I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
