his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
