This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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