just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I party with great urgency now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
