What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Blood and glitter go together right?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
