I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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