wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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