the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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