I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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