i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
