That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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