if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
