If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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