I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
