I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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