what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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