super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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