There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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