I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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