i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
