dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
