This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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