I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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