Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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