Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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