Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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