You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
