The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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