Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
