If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
