I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
