I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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