I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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