Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
