He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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