remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
