he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
