She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cockslap morals
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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