as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
