I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
