I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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