I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
