Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
