I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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