I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
