I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
