My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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