I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
