you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
